Friday, June 15, 2012

Weekly Crime Report Por Peñasco!

-by El Gitano Peñasco, "The Peñasco Gypsy"

The calles here in our beloved Peñasco this week are again riddled with crime! But before we look at our own criminal elements and crime spree I wanted to update everyone on some other headlines and news stories I came across this week from a couple of communities up in the ‘Old Country’ (aka: USA).

There were two (2) more drive by shootings this week but the 16 victims were not killed (this time) and have been released from the hospital after an overnight stay. Also, but unrelated, there were 27 strong arm robberies, 32 confirmed rapes, 13 attempted rapes, 77 sexual battery issues, 182 burglaries, 89 barroom brawls, 9 bank robberies and 183 cars stolen.

There were also 11 knife fights, 276 domestic violence disputes, 489 drug busts (mostly small quantities of marijuana, some roach clips and pipes), 376 prostitution arrests including two (2) Pimps driving late 1980-model Cadillacs.

On other fronts there were 7 political corruption apprehensions, 586 ‘white-collar’ criminals detained, 5,786 traffic citations issued (mostly from video-issued surveillance tickets). There were also 15 arson events, 12 kidnappings, 9 Elder abuse cases, 1,769 scammers and fraud cases involving telemarketing. Additionally there were 47 hate crime arrests, 117 Larceny instances, 243 forgery arrests, 83 Embezzlement occurrences, 825 instances of vandalism and 89 weapon violation arrests that included Ak-47’s; and lastly there were 596 gambling violations.

Meanwhile back at the ranch here in our ‘Homeland’ (aka: Peñasco), after several stern warnings this past week by local police officer Maria, Rod Goodtimes was issued a parking citation on Calle 13 for parking his car too far away from the curb while visiting one of his many favorite local watering holes.

Cited for ‘Wild Parking’, Rod was fined 150 Pesos (or, about $12 US Dollars) and although Rod did argue with the police officer no SWAT teams, rooftop snipers, helicopters, snarling and ferocious flesh eating police attack dogs or armored personnel carriers were deployed. Nor was Rod’s car impounded and his local insurance rates will not be increased.

Come back next week folks, same time, and same station for another Puerto Peñasco crime spree update. In the meantime, enjoy the blue skies, the stars at night, the incredible sunrises and sunsets and those romantic walks along our beautiful and nearly endless and spotless beaches.

And while doing so don’t forget to pray for our brothers and sisters up north because it is surely an asphalt jungle up there!

Now, Esmoke ‘em if ya got ‘em and have a cold one on me too!

A Gypsy can always dream!

¡Viva Puerto Peñasco y México!

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain